guys are only as good as the porn they watch
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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