i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do vagina's smell?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
