peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
