theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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