I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
