haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I AM VODKA MAN
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
