Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
