Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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