think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
