***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
