Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
