just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
