i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
