btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
