Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
