is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
