did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
