I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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