i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
