Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
