Michael Bay diarrhea
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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