I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
