you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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