Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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