You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
