I feel like I'm in dance class right now
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
