hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
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