I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
