Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
