when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize