about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
