I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
His hands were made for my vagina.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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