Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize