i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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