Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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