You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
