Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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