I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
