he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
