Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
