Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
