i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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