Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
