He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You were trust falling into bushes
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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