i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
