Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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