Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
