Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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