He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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