Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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