How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
