K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
