I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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