Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
