smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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