So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
