i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize