I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
