I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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