Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
