Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
