A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize