get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
