we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
