I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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