some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
