so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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