I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
