please come you make the beer taste better
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's shark week go big or go home
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
