Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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