Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
