1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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