Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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