Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
