I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
