im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
