Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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