Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
