i jhust puked up my retainher.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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