Im at strip club and am horny
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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