lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
