i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
