just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
third nipple confirmed
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
