omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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