Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
