Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
