She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
