He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my shit smells like andre
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
