You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
