did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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