Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
