There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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