Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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