I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
