Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
what day is it and did you see me today?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
