Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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