Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
