if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
