OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
