During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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