It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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