I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have fence marks all over my body
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
