Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize