I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I love you. Go after that dick
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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