How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
