people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sober January is a disaster.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize