I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
kristin has been a bad kristin
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
