New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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