Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He better not be in your backpack
You need a sexual gate keeper
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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