if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
