Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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