As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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