sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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