they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
