The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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