I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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