just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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